Sleep worry has become a modern problem. Somewhere along the way, we started treating sleep like a competition. Rings buzz with “scores,” apps hand out percentages, podcasts set us nightly goals. Wake up groggy? It feels like you’ve failed.

Sleep isn’t something to win at. It isn’t a project or a grade. It’s a living process, shifting with your body and your life! We want it to do that, so when we need to recover from illness or time shifts for example, it has the ability to change. The same sleep every single night would not be good for us!

Chasing “perfect” sleep will backfire on you

The moment you believe there’s a right way to sleep, every deviation feels like danger. One restless night becomes a crisis. You start clock-watching. You check your app before you check in with yourself.

This is where sleep worry creeps in – and the anxiety about sleep ends up doing more damage than the night itself. It’s also a distortion. Sleep never exists in a vacuum. Hormones, stress, digestion, medication, mental health, even your menstrual cycle will all shape it. Variation is built in – stop wishing it away!

I once worked with a journalist who kept a meticulous spreadsheet of her sleep. Hours logged, efficiency ratings, awakenings. She made daily decisions based on those numbers like cancelling meetings if the data looked ‘bad’. When we stood back, her daytime functioning was usually fine, even after so-called poor nights. What was draining her wasn’t sleep itself, it was actually the story she built around it.

The cycle of sleep worry

Sleep worry often starts small – perhaps after a couple of restless nights or a dip in your sleep tracker score. But as the focus on “fixing” sleep grows, so does the sense of pressure. You might find yourself:

• Dreading bedtime because you’re afraid of not sleeping well.
• Cancelling plans after a rough night even when you’re coping fine.
• Believing that a single poor night has ruined your week.

The truth is, most people function reasonably well after occasional bad nights. What wears you down is the constant worry about sleep quality, not the sleep itself.

What actually counts

Instead of grading yourself every morning, try asking:

• How do I feel most days?
• Can I think, move, and enjoy things?
• Do I feel naturally sleepy by bedtime?

That’s what matters. One rough night isn’t a disaster. You don’t need to pay it back. You don’t need to rearrange your life. You just need to carry on, and let sleep catch up in its own way – it’s incredible like that. Not having more hours doesn’t mean this hasn’t happened.

Put the spreadsheet down. Step away from the score. Let your body, not your data, be the captain of your ship!